Daddy G. etc.

Aug-2, 2006

A sunny summer so far

Meanwhile 2 months more have past by, months with a lot of sun (mostly more than 25^oC, some weeks with 32-36^oC, all without air conditioning), months with public events like the football world championship, the tour de france, wimbledon, many more feast around.  DaddyG is still doing well. His weakened memory is stable in it's weakness. For our friends he has become a known person nearly to everybody. If possible he is sharing common events; very often the 'chair for DaddyG' is alread prepared in advance... and meanwhile there is some disappointance when he is not coming, like last saturday during the fantastic open air concert in the parc of the castle Wilhelmsbad in Hanau. But it was very hot that day (about 34^oC), the concert began at 20:30h and lasted until 01:30h...This was too much for him. Thus he decided in advance to stay at home.  Although he is during common events rather calm and inactive, he likes it very much to be there. He is sitting there and is feeling to be a 'part of it', of being 'perceived', of being 'accepted'.

Every time I have to do things where he could be part of I invite him to accompany me. Then we drove with the car through the villages and towns around, entering shops, sitting in restaurants, making short walks etc. He is still curious about all, makes his reflections, is thinking aloud. 

Next weekend my sister sisterM will go with him to the town HadaKi, where he lived the 47 years before. Although his memory is weak, this fact he is mentioning nearly every day now. This is very emotional for him, and things connected with emotions are remembered best. Another point associated with high emotions is his money; not, because he is 'believing in money' but because he knows that his actual situation depends directly from his money. Thus regularly he is asking about his money and he is going to his bank to have the 'feeling, that everything is OK'.  On the other side because he is, on account of his weak memory, forgetting constantly about numbers and the fact that he has get some money from the bank, he has no clear picture of his money situation. This are the rare situations where he can run in some small panic. Then  I have to explain to him calmly and patiently about his actual moneybag, his incomes and his expenditures, showing him printouts of his bank account etc. Then, after a while, he can reorganize in his mind his picture about his money and then he is very lucky that everything is OK. Meanwhile he is even planning to put aside some money for something (he has  a 'plan'...). Lastly he discussed with me how he could do this. Looking to his numbers we developed together a plan how to proceed. Then he was very proud that he has now a plan 'how to put aside'.

'Dignity' is an interesting point. Elderly people during their life 'before being elderly' have been accepted on account of their work, their social roles etc. Changing from the state of being socially an 'important' person into the state of being 'only old' is very hard. And if the financial and bodily resources are weakening, fading away, then their ability to get acceptance, to become perceived, to become honoured can diminish dramatically. This is psychologically a very important factor. DaddyGis a good example. Although he is highly impeded to do something 'socially worthful' he is trying to use many situations where he can do something, even 'small' things, to demonstrate that he is 'useful' and get the feeling, he is 'someone'. This shows that the 'loving' of the environment is for the 'loved person' himself not enough; the person wants to be accepted because it can contribute something 'real'. Thus he wants to carry the bags when we are shopping, he wants to drive the shopping cart, he likes to invite to a coffee klatsch, etc.  Thus to show someone respect is very important; it is like medicine.....even better....

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